Friday 13 November 2009

Diet to avoid the draft?

The Army Times reports many American youths wouldn't be eligible for service in the Army due to obesity.

Does this mean that a dangerously underweight individual could avoid the risk of being drafted simply by following Dr. Nick's easy diet advice?
Dr. Nick: Hi everybody!
Homer+Bart: Hi Doctor Nick!
Nick: Now there are many options available for dangerously underweighted individuals like yourself. I recommend a slow steady gorging process combined with assal horizontology.
Homer: [pensive] Of course.
Nick: [points to a chart] You'll want to focus on the neglected food groups such as the whipped group, the congealed group and the chocotastic!
Homer: What can I do to speed the whole thing up, Doctor?
Nick: Well...be creative. Instead of making sandwiches with bread, use poptarts. Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon, heh...
Bart: You could brush your teeth with milkshakes!
Dr. Nick: Hey, did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College too? And remember, if you're not sure about something, rub it against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain. Bye bye, everybody!

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