Friday 8 November 2013

Markets in Everything: the softest leather

Remember the SUV with whale penis leather seats and trim? Remember how jealous you were when your neighbour got one, and you just couldn't see how you could possibly top him?

Here you go. If it isn't a hoax (I say 70% chance it's a hoax) HT: @LI_Politico

What is Human Leather?

Human Leather is made from real full thickness human skin.  Just like animal leather products, produced from lesser animals, our raw human skin is transformed into the finest grade human leather by using a traditional tanning process.  However, human leather is the finest grain leather that is obtainable. 
It is free from defects and has the smallest grain size which makes it the smoothest, softest leather on Earth.


Human Leather Products

We only craft the best and most beautiful products out of our unique leather.  We have produced bespoke items for some of our clients, but due to the limited size of the lengths that we work with, we are limited to what items we can fashion out of the leather.  We usually have individual commission orders and stock items have not been for sale for over seven years.

Where does Human Leather come from?

Human Leather is produced from skin sourced from normal everyday people.  These people have bequeathed their skin to us prior to their death.  There are a few areas of the body, (back and abdomen) that have uninterrupted skin coverage, and are therefore the best for processing into Human Leather.  These areas allow the maximum usage when being crafted into large coverage items, especially satchels and briefcases.

Is this illegal?

Not at all.  However, this is an expensive business, as the raw material is not cheap to produce or process.  We value our donors and we reward their beneficiaries and next of kin very handsomely.  In fact, we have had to turn away some potential donors, as we can accept only the highest quality human skin.
The prospect of being able to sell my hide after death already has me thinking about by how much I'm under-investing in moisturisers and strong SPF sunblock.

Update: It rubs the lotion on its skin or else its skin sells at a discount and its bequest is smaller than it could have been.

Update 2: I can totally imagine people being willing to pay a lot for an "Ultimate Edition" of an author's collected works, and being willing to pay it in advance without a determined delivery date. Copyright may be gone, but if you connect with fans and give them a reason to buy for something special....


  1. Worth more if you die young? Is this a bequest with a slowly reducing value - if you die when 40 it's worth much more than someone's old hide at 90? And therefore it has aspects of life insurance about it, without the need to actually pay a premium?

    Of course, if you die a messy death (presumably more likely when you're younger) then you probably get nothing - the skin would I guess need to be usable.

  2. yeah, as usual PaulL on the ball. The thing is red skins are the warmest, black skins trendy fashion, don't know about your skin Eric, I think Canadian white skin hardly worth skin lotion